Oh no. Markus felt worse. He clung to Daniel, burying his face against him. He couldn’t bring himself to smile for him, he felt far too bad. And he was pretty sure Daniel didn’t want a forced smile either.
“I’m sorry-”, he almost choked on his words, trying not to cry.
“No. Just me.”, Markus replied quietly. He was the one doing things wrong. He had made Daniel feel bad, and like he had done something wrong -why else would he ask? He deserved feeling like the scum of the earth he was, not eating, pain. He deserved everything bad that had happened to him.
He absentmindedly scratched his wrists. The injuries from when they had met were still visible, but unable to be reopened by scratching.
“You? Hun you didn’t do anything wrong” he said softly and pulled him into his arms. He hummed and rocked him softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong” he repeated in a whisper and then he kissed him softly.
Markus let Daniel pull him against him, not reacting much. He didn’t feel good. He just.. he felt a sad kind of empty. Not even the soft kiss made him feel better.
“Okay..”, he mumbled quietly in reply and nodded. He couldn’t help but feel like he had though. He just had to hope this feeling would pass soon.
“No. Just me.”, Markus replied quietly. He was the one doing things wrong. He had made Daniel feel bad, and like he had done something wrong -why else would he ask? He deserved feeling like the scum of the earth he was, not eating, pain. He deserved everything bad that had happened to him.
He absentmindedly scratched his wrists. The injuries from when they had met were still visible, but unable to be reopened by scratching.
Markus didn’t move for a few moments, before going to the kitchen. He felt bad. He felt really bad. He shouldn’t, he was overreacting, he had no reason to feel bad like this. And still he did, and blaming himself made him feel worse.
He easily grabbed the things he needed, mixing them in a bowl. He grabbed some chocolate chips too. He let himself just work, easily making the pancakes. He didn’t make a lot, four or five not too big ones, before he was out of batter. He set the plate onto the table to once chair for Daniel, setting down milk and cocoa powder too, if Daniel wanted some.
He decided to not have anything for breakfast at all. At least he wasn’t hungry anyways.
Daniel went to shower before he stepped out and dressed again. He then walked back downstairs and looked at Markus. “I’m back. Thank you for letting me shower here” he told him softly.
Markus hummed lightly in return. He had sat down opposite of where he had placed the pancakes.
“Sorry. Don’t feel like talking much..”, he mumbled quietly. Last time he hadn’t been responsive to a boyfriend, he was yelled at and beaten. So he’d rather tell Daniel and hope for the best.
Markus didn’t move for a few moments, before going to the kitchen. He felt bad. He felt really bad. He shouldn’t, he was overreacting, he had no reason to feel bad like this. And still he did, and blaming himself made him feel worse.
He easily grabbed the things he needed, mixing them in a bowl. He grabbed some chocolate chips too. He let himself just work, easily making the pancakes. He didn’t make a lot, four or five not too big ones, before he was out of batter. He set the plate onto the table to once chair for Daniel, setting down milk and cocoa powder too, if Daniel wanted some.
He decided to not have anything for breakfast at all. At least he wasn’t hungry anyways.
Markus wasn’t sure how he made Daniel feel. He felt bad nonetheless.
“Of course.”, he replied softly and nodded, holding onto Daniel and hiding against him. “I’m.. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad…”, he mumbled quietly.
“No.. it’s fine dear..” he told him quietly and sighed softly. “So where is your bathroom?” He asked.
Markus was sure it wasn’t fine. Why did he have to say that? Why couldn’t he just let Daniel help? Even though he was pretty sure it would’ve ended with him not really doing anything.
“I’m sorry..”, Markus whispered, sniffing. He slowly got off of Daniel, tugging at his clothes. “It’s right by the bedroom.”, he told him then, gaze on the ground.
Markus wasn’t sure how he made Daniel feel. He felt bad nonetheless.
“Of course.”, he replied softly and nodded, holding onto Daniel and hiding against him. “I’m.. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad…”, he mumbled quietly.
“That’d be nice.”, Markus replied softly. He didn’t really feel hungry though. He rarely did, hence him being underweight.
“I could make pancakes?”, he suggested. He liked pancakes. Maybe he could eat a little bit.
“Sounds good to me. I will help you though, you don’t have to do that alone hun.” He told him softly.
“I…”, Markus wasn’t sure. It were just pancakes, it was nothing hard nor really needed of help. And he didn’t mind making breakfast alone a lot…
“I… I’d like to make them myself, please… If it’s okay..”. He mumbled. Daniel had said to never lie. He had said that was a rule. He didn’t think saying okay to that would’ve been a lie, but still.
“That’d be nice.”, Markus replied softly. He didn’t really feel hungry though. He rarely did, hence him being underweight.
“I could make pancakes?”, he suggested. He liked pancakes. Maybe he could eat a little bit.
Markus smiled lightly, climbing into Daniel’s lap and holding on to him. He felt comfortable with him, safe. It was really nice.
“Lay down?”, he asked softly. If he managed to fall asleep, he at least wanted the two of them to be comfortable.
Markus let Daniel pull him up, happily and softly kissing him back. He was really happy, and comfortable, and he felt safe. He couldn’t ask for anything better.
“Will you stay with me for a few days?”, Markus asked quietly. He really didn’t want to be alone for a while.
“Of course. I packed some things for a week. Didn’t know how much you wanted me to stay.” He said softly.
Markus smiled softly, happy. He was glad Daniel would stay here with him for a few days. He really didn’t want to be alone, especially since he was pretty sure the thing with his ex trying to murder him wasn’t over yet. He had no clue how it worked like, but he would surely have to make some statements… and maybe court or something… He really didn’t want to be all alone.
emptynarration 