dxrkmirxge:

emptynarration:

Markus was startled when he heard his phone ring somewhere in the blankets.
“Nonononono don’t hate me don’t hate me don’t hate me-”, he was searching for his phone, whimpering as he begged to no one to not be hated. He should be, he deserved to be, but he really really didn’t want to be.

When he finally found his phone, he answered, uncaring who it was, just assuming it was Daniel -not many had his number, and only his brother would call besides Daniel.
“I’m fine I’m sorry- no- I- ah- hhhh-”, he whimpered, gasping for breaths as his eyes burned with the want to cry again.

„Markus did you… what happened?“ Daniel Asked, his voice sounded so full of worry, not angry or hateful at all.

“I just- I couldn’t- I- hhhn..”, Markus couldn’t get any thoughts sorted, yet alone out. He hated himself and thought he deserved pain. He couldn’t tell Daniel that!
“Please just hate me-”, his voice was strained as he tried to hold back sobs, though it was obvious how upset he was. If Daniel just hated him he’d be better off. Daniel could get annoyed at his flowers and ignore them, and maybe one day they’d stop and he could be happy somewhere with someone. And not ave to deal with Markus.

Markus was startled when he heard his phone ring somewhere in the blankets.
“Nonononono don’t hate me don’t hate me don’t hate me-”, he was searching for his phone, whimpering as he begged to no one to not be hated. He should be, he deserved to be, but he really really didn’t want to be.

When he finally found his phone, he answered, uncaring who it was, just assuming it was Daniel -not many had his number, and only his brother would call besides Daniel.
“I’m fine I’m sorry- no- I- ah- hhhh-”, he whimpered, gasping for breaths as his eyes burned with the want to cry again.

dxrkmirxge:

emptynarration:

“Bye..”, Markus mumbled, listening to Daniel leave. He felt his eyes burning, wanting to cry, but he had cried so much already that there was nothing left to cry. He laid back down, curling up and clutching his pillow against his chest, sobbing into it.

Daniel must hate him now. He was terrible. Even to his soulmate, he couldn’t be good enough. He was just a big problem.

Daniel made his way home and sighed softly to himself. He didn’t know how to help his soulmate, and that made him sad. He didn’t even wanted him there.

Markus pulled his bandages off, scratching over his wrists, wincing and whimpering at the pain. He deserved it, he deserved even more pain than that, and he wished Daniel would’ve hated him and told him to die, instead of coming to try and help to just get a big disappointment as soulmate.

But if he got new injuries, Daniel might come back, or maybe he’d finally yell at him, or maybe he’d give up on him. For now he opted to just scratch and press and pull at his wrists and feel the blood gather beneath his nails and smear across his skin.

“Bye..”, Markus mumbled, listening to Daniel leave. He felt his eyes burning, wanting to cry, but he had cried so much already that there was nothing left to cry. He laid back down, curling up and clutching his pillow against his chest, sobbing into it.

Daniel must hate him now. He was terrible. Even to his soulmate, he couldn’t be good enough. He was just a big problem.

dxrkmirxge:

emptynarration:

Markus was quiet for a while. “Whatever you’d like..”, he mumbled then. He didn’t know, he just wanted to be okay, and he wasn’t, and he didn’t know how to fix it -if he could at all.

Daniel slowly got up then and brushed some cookie crumbs off of him. “You have my number. Just call if you need aomething” Daniel said quietly.

Markus moved away from Daniel to let him move, keeping his blind gaze on his lap as he sat there on his bed.
“I will.”, he mumbled quietly. “You can call me too..”. Daniel should have his number, since he had called him earlier, right?

He felt the urge to apologize again, but he knew Daniel didn’t want that. So he stayed quiet.

Markus was quiet for a while. “Whatever you’d like..”, he mumbled then. He didn’t know, he just wanted to be okay, and he wasn’t, and he didn’t know how to fix it -if he could at all.

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emptynarration:

Markus nodded lightly. He’d stop saying it. He learned fast, he could do this. He could be good for Daniel. He wasn’t even aware of self-damaging his thought process was being.

“Are you going home some time?…”, he asked quietly after a minute or two. Daniel hadn’t seemed happy when he hadn’t been sure about him visiting after work. And he did have two weeks vacation. Markus wasn’t sure what he wanted.

“If you want me to, then I’ll leave” Daniel simply said and looked down at the other. “But if you want me to stay, I’ll stay. It’s easy as that”

“I… I don’t know..”, Markus mumbled. Daniel was still pretty much a stranger to him, though he liked his company. But it was weird to have him stay here for too long too.

Markus nodded lightly. He’d stop saying it. He learned fast, he could do this. He could be good for Daniel. He wasn’t even aware of self-damaging his thought process was being.

“Are you going home some time?…”, he asked quietly after a minute or two. Daniel hadn’t seemed happy when he hadn’t been sure about him visiting after work. And he did have two weeks vacation. Markus wasn’t sure what he wanted.

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emptynarration:

“I’m sorry… okay..”, Markus mumbled softly. He wouldn’t dare argue back against it, even if he didn’t feel like eating. He#d try one anyways, since Daniel wanted him to.

Daniel handed him a still warm and soft cookie, and watched the other then. „I don’t want to force you Markus. But I want to help. And if you don’t let me help, this will be pretty hard“

Markus stayed quiet, nibbling on the cookie. It was really tasty. It didn’t make him feel better, but he already knew nothing would. He just had to wait it out.

“‘m sorry..”, he mumbled quietly. Daniel would get annoyed with him. Why would anyone ever be kind to him without wanting something in return? He shouldn’t act like this, he should be good.

“I’m sorry… okay..”, Markus mumbled softly. He wouldn’t dare argue back against it, even if he didn’t feel like eating. He#d try one anyways, since Daniel wanted him to.