Markus clung to Daniel when he was picked up, trembling and crying softly into his shoulder, trying to calm down. He had managed to mostly when he was laid down, rubbing his eyes.

“Don’t force yourself if you don’t want to. It’s- it’s okay.”, he replied. He did want to. He wanted to a lot of the time, genuinely, and not because he still thought he had to do it as apology or thank you. But he was afraid to ask, and afraid to be told no if he did try.

dxrkmirxge:

emptynarration:

“Are you sure?…”, Markus asked, voice quiet. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Daniel. He felt like it was somehow his fault again. He was broken, abused and basically raped so much already. He felt like Daniel just didn’t want to with him.

“You know I just wanted to be told…. I.. It’s-.. It’s fine. Forget I asked.”, he mumbled, sniffing, pulling away from Daniel. He was overreacting again, he was aware of it, highly so. At least he told himself he was overreacting, and he felt horrible for it.

“Babe! No no no! Wait please!” Daniel gasped and pulled him in by his wrists again. “Darling I want to, I swear. If you are ready to, then I am too” he told him and looked at him.

A few tears were rolling over Markus’ cheeks, as he let Daniel stop him from walking away. He couldn’t look at Daniel, he couldn’t face him.

“How am I supposed to know I’m ready?”, he asked, voice strained from his tears. “Sex has never been special. Never loving. Not even fun. I- I… I don’t know when is the right time. I know you won’t hurt me since you’ve started staying here a month ago. I- I try- I try my hardest to be good- to-.. to be lovable… I don’t know what more to do..”, his voice was breaking as he talked, more tears dripping down his cheeks.

“Are you sure?…”, Markus asked, voice quiet. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Daniel. He felt like it was somehow his fault again. He was broken, abused and basically raped so much already. He felt like Daniel just didn’t want to with him.

“You know I just wanted to be told…. I.. It’s-.. It’s fine. Forget I asked.”, he mumbled, sniffing, pulling away from Daniel. He was overreacting again, he was aware of it, highly so. At least he told himself he was overreacting, and he felt horrible for it.

dxrkmirxge:

emptynarration:

Markus hummed lightly. He pulled oven open, carefully pushing the trays in. He couldn’t be sad. He couldn’t allow himself to feel bad. Daniel didn’t need to worry about him, when he was overreacting.

“Can we decorate them once they’re done and cooled?”, he asked instead. He could make some sugar glace, and melt some chocolate. That’d be nice.

“Definitely! Maybe we could also top some of them with strawberry jelly” he hummed happily and pulled Markus close to kiss him with such a passion and love, he had never kissed anyone before.

Markus squeaked when he was pulled close, holding onto Daniel’s chest as he was kissed like that. He was blushing, though also kissed him back just as deeply and lovingly.

“Daniel?..”, he spoke quietly, keeping himself close to the other. “You never once told me you felt like sex… I.. It’s really dumb of me, just.. Do you not want to at all?…”.

He just wanted to know. He was so used to being constantly used, that after a month of nothing, he wondered. He knew Daniel had told him it was only to show how much someone loved their partner…

Markus hummed lightly. He pulled oven open, carefully pushing the trays in. He couldn’t be sad. He couldn’t allow himself to feel bad. Daniel didn’t need to worry about him, when he was overreacting.

“Can we decorate them once they’re done and cooled?”, he asked instead. He could make some sugar glace, and melt some chocolate. That’d be nice.

dxrkmirxge:

emptynarration:

“Thanks.”, Markus said softly. He carefully rolled out the dough, laying the rolling pin in front of the blob of dough he had started to make.

He felt around the cutters, feeling their shapes. He never thought too much of Christmas, if he was honest. But he was going to visit Arthur again, with or without Daniel.

Daniel smiled and grabbed a knife to cut out the shapes himself. He hummed as he made some hearts and stars.

Markus went ahead and got some baking trays ready, before he started with the cookies. He cut out cookies until he was done with the dough Daniel had given him. Continuing with his own dough would make too many cookies. He knew that, so he grabbed it and wrapped it into foil.

He could maybe finish it in some days. Or he had to throw it away. Probably. Why did he even attempt to make his own? He bit his lip, putting it into the fridge.

“Thanks.”, Markus said softly. He carefully rolled out the dough, laying the rolling pin in front of the blob of dough he had started to make.

He felt around the cutters, feeling their shapes. He never thought too much of Christmas, if he was honest. But he was going to visit Arthur again, with or without Daniel.